


avengers a$$emble 😌

by aikoa



Series: im not okay i promise [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: (actually no they probably won't im already having a shit time with this as is), AKA, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, And yet, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Fluff, Generation Z Peter Parker, Humor, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, OH YEA mj and ned know all the juicy secrets bout their pal mr parkour obvs 🙄🤚, Out of Character, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Read by the Author, Sassy Peter Parker, Social Media, Texting, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, clearly not its a fucking gc fic lmaoo, fingers crossed i didnt fuck up these tags again, i cant fucking believe i forgot literally the most important tags BYE, i got bored and this was the outcome, i like to think im funny please feed my ego, i'm very experienced in the art of texting fics dont worry, idk when this takes place ig before infinity war cause thor and bruce aint there yet, ill try not to make this one go south though i swear, im a stupid bitch uhm anyways, im an independent bitch and by that i just mean i have no friends, im trying to post faster ok don't let the date gap between published and updated fool you 💪, the first chapters are shit but it gets worse and worse as you get further, they'll probs show up later tho so dw, why do i need to clarify that and how did i forget
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:01:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 5,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25547095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aikoa/pseuds/aikoa
Summary: the adventures of peter parker, the ultimate gen-z: Groupchat Mode.aka this is why we can't have nice things***(working on quicker updates;rated explicit because i dont know how to go two damn minutes without cursingclearly )
Relationships: Clint Barton & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker & Shuri & Wanda Maximoff, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Shuri, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Wanda Maximoff & Peter Parker
Series: im not okay i promise [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2148450
Comments: 40
Kudos: 491
Collections: my unrelated chat fics





	1. teenage slang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yea i totally know what i'm doing 😌

_**Tony Stark** _ _created a group chat._

 **_Tony Stark_ ** _added **Rhodey** , **Nat** , **Bird v1** , **Steve** , **plums** , and **Bird v2**._

**Tony Stark:** Aww, Clint and Sam matched usernames, how cute.

 **Bird v1:** Nah he's just a copycat

 **Bird v2:** lies and slander I refuse to stand for this

 **Steve:** What?

 **Bird v2:** I've been learning teenage slang shut up

 **Bird v1:** You say that like you're 50 years old

 **plums:** haha sam's old

 **Steve:** Bucky, why is your name 'plums'?

 **plums:** i like plums old man

 **Rhodey:** Yea old man

 **Steve:** Bucky...you're older than me.

 **Tony Stark:** honey bear 😍

 **plums:** i don't think i get your point here old man

 **Rhodey:** Oh god Tony's using teen grammar I have to get out of here

_**Tony Stark** changed **Rhodey** 's name to **Honeybear**_

**Rhodey:** I'm too late

 **Bird v2:** F

 **Steve:** I repeat my previous statement: What?

 **Bird v2:** I repeat MY previous statement: i'm learning TEEN SLANG

 **Bird v1:** from WHO

 **Bird v2:** Tony's kid haha

 **Nat:** Oh Peter? He's a nice kid

 **Tony Stark:** NO HE'S A MENACE

 **Rhodey:** He's the one to blame for all the 'memes' that are already popping up here.

 **Rhodey:** As well as Tony's rapidly declining grammar skills.

 **Steve:** Tony, I didn't know you were a father.

 **Tony Stark:** NO

 **Tony Stark:** he's not my son oh my god

 **Nat:** That's a lie

 **Nat:** but anyways

_**Nat** added **peter with a 🅱️.**_

**peter with a 🅱️:** yo

 **Tony Stark:** oh god

 **peter with a 🅱️:** sup anthony

 **Tony Stark:** I

 **Bird v1:** oh my god did he really just anthony you

 **peter with a 🅱️:** oh oh oh my bad

 **peter with a 🅱️:** sup dad

 **Tony Stark:** NO

 **peter with a 🅱️:** aw :(

 **peter with a 🅱️:** tony how could you

 **peter with a 🅱️:** i thought what we had was special

 **bird v1:** please tell me that is not a Spongebob quote

 **peter with a 🅱️:** teehee may b

 **Tony Stark:** Oh, since when is it 'Tony' now, and not Mr. Stark?

 **peter with a 🅱️:** uh since now bruh idk

 **plums:** yea i already like this kid

 **Nat:** He grows on you, doesn't he?

 **peter with a 🅱️:** ew compliments

 **peter with a 🅱️:** also who is plums and why is your name plums why plums plums are nasty

 **plums:** I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID HE IS A MENACE

 **Tony Stark:** THAT'S WHAT I WAS T R Y I N G TO SAY

 **peter with a 🅱️:** yeaaa insults here we go now 😎

 **Steve:** I'm sure they're only joking, Peter.

 **peter with a 🅱️:** ok i think

 **peter with a 🅱️:** i was ab to say ew grammar then i realized who i was talking to

 **peter with a 🅱️:** a fossil with a fone 😎

 **plums:** hahaha

 **Tony Stark:** Do you mean PHONE

 **peter with a 🅱️:** i said what i said

 **Steve:** Bucky, if I'm a fossil, you are too.

 **plums:** shit

 **peter with a 🅱️:** oh so THATS who that is ok

 **plums:** yea hi

 **peter with a 🅱️:** im sorry for insulting your plums please don't hurt me 😔

 **Tony Stark:** Yeah, Barnes, You better not. I'm watching you.

 **Rhodey:** Yea this may be why they all think you're a dad, Tony

 **Tony Stark:** oh no

 _ **peter with a 🅱️** changed **plums**_ _s name to_ _ **barnes & noble.** _

**barnes & noble: **i don't get it

 **peter with a 🅱️:** i wouldnt expect a fossil such as yourself to get it

 **barnes & noble: **omg i though STEVE was the fossil NOT M E

 **Steve:** Once again, Buck, you're older than me.

 **barnes & noble: **BY ONE YEAR UGH

 **barnes & noble: **atleast I know the teenage slang these days unlike SOMEBODY

 **Nat:** Yea, I'm still confused on that

 **Bird v2:** same honestly

 **peter with a 🅱️:** same bro

 **barnes & noble: **stan twitter was a great help

 **peter with a 🅱️:** yea idk what kind of answer i was expecting but it def wasn't that

 **peter with a 🅱️:** surprised u ain't a kpop stan by now or smth

 **barnes & noble: **do i want to know what that is?

 **peter with a 🅱️:** most likely NO

 **barnes &** **noble:** note taken.

 **Bird v1:** Now I kinda wanna know what that is

 **peter with a 🅱️:** most likely NO

 **Bird v1:** that only fuels the flame

 **peter with a 🅱️:** oh god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am not a kpop stan


	2. bruh

**Bird v1:** i regret a lot right now

 **peter with a 🅱️:** i told you didn't i

 **Nat:** He only regrets because now he's obsessed

 **peter with a 🅱️:** oh

 **peter with a 🅱️:** oh no

 **Nat:** Oh yes

 **peter with a 🅱️:** well call me victor frankenstein cuz i've just created a monster

 _ **barnes & noble** changed **peter with a** 🅱️'s name to _ _**victor frankenstein**._

 **barnes & noble: **i was looking for an opportunity to do that

 **victor frankenstein:** smh

 **Steve:** I still don't get this 'slang' stuff.

 **Tony Stark:** We GET IT Steve, you're old

 **Bird v1:** you're sounding like Thor right now Steve

 **Rhodey:** Thor knows a whole lot more then Steve does

 **Steve:** Can this be considered bullying

 **barnes & noble: **no steve it cant stop being dramatic

 **Nat:** Bucky, you're like the most dramatic person there is

 **Tony Stark:** No that title definitely goes to Peter

 **victor frankenstein:** if not me then you daddio

 **Tony Stark:** ew

_**victor frankenstein** changed **Tony Stark** 's name to **daddio**._

**daddio:** why

 **victor frankenstein:** why not

 **daddio:** but why

 **victor frankenstein:** why not

 **daddio:** oh my god

 **Bird v1:** wait wait wait wait wait

 **Bird v1:** speaking of Thor

 **Bird v2:** omg we're past him already

 **Bird v1:** SPEAKING OF THOR

 **Bird v1:** where is he though

 **Bird v1:** like i haven't seen him since like Ultron

 **Steve:** Oh, yes.. Ultron.

 **Steve:** Tony.

 **daddio:** yeah I KNOW

 **daddio:** I may have created a murder bot that almost killed all of you

 **daddio:** BUT STEVE

 **daddio:** you and your plum buddy almost killed me too in Siberia so i think it's fair :) between us atleast yea?

 **Steve:** Right.

 **Nat:** Now that I think about it, I haven't seen Bruce since Ultron either

 **Bird v1:** oh yea me either

 **victor frankenstein:** i dont even know what yall are talking about

 **barnes & noble: **me either victor

 **victor frankenstein:** bruh

 **barnes & noble**: bruh

 **victor frankenstein:** bruh

 **barnes & noble: **bruh

 **victor frankenstein:** bruh

 **daddio:** Stop

 **victor frankenstein:** or what

 **daddio:** or i'll kick you both out

 **victor frankenstein:** you wouldnt no balls

 **victor frankenstein:** you would die without me and thats a fact

 **daddio:** Wanna bet, kid?

 **daddio:** you and Barnes will be out on your asses in the spring snow

 **victor frankenstein:** b b b b b b b b 

**victor frankenstein:** bruh

 **barnes & noble: **hey thats no way to treat your elders stank

 **victor frankenstein:** yea respect your elders

 **barnes & noble: **stank

 **daddio** : ...what

 **barnes & noble**: haha _@Honeybear_ told me about it

 **daddio:** platypuss how could you

 **Honeybear:** That's what you get for keeping us all up at 3am with your stupid suits

 **victor frankenstein:** lmaoooo

_**victor frankenstein** changed **daddio** 's name to **Tony Stank**_

**Tony Stank:** That's it

 **victor frankenstein:** NO

 **barnes & noble: **what

 **Bird v2:** yea what

 **Bird v1:** yea what

 **Steve:** What's going on?

 **Nat:** why is Peter crawling on the ceiling screaming

 **Steve:** What's going on?

 **victor frankenstein:** CAUSE M STANK IS CHASNDI G ME

 **Nat:** Oh

 **barnes & noble: **eh he'll be fine

 **victor frankenstein:** BRUHHFFWEIUBD NO I WONY

**barnes & noble: **

**barnes & noble: **he'll be fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who knew bucky was in with the times..


	3. mr. stank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ewmrstark.png](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/607673177350340625/737818624143655013/S2Xb.png)
> 
> wouldn't let me put it in the actual story text so oof

**Bird v2:** Peter?

 **Bird v2:** Peterrrrr?

 **Bird v2:** oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead

 **Steve:** Language.

 **barnes & noble: **why do you only scold our language now Steve we've been cursing before this you know

 **Steve:** I know, and that's why I'm 'scolding' you now.

 **victor frankenstein:** cap ur such a grandpa

 **Bird v2:** haha

 **barnes & noble: **welllll he is almost 100 years old

 **Steve:** So are you, Bucky.

 **barnes & noble: **stop calling me out stevie ;((((((

 **Nat:** So I guess that means Tony didn't kill Peter then?

 **victor frankenstein:** sadly no

 **victor frankenstein:** he wouldnt dare either way tho im too important 😌

 **Honeybear:** It's sad because it's true

 **Tony Stank:** shut up

 **Honeybear:** Or what

 **victor frankenstein:** haha get em

 **Tony Stank:** :(

 **victor frankenstein:** ew mr stank stop it

 **Nat:** What is he doing I am ~~sadly~~ not present

 **Bird v1:** he's doing that face Peter does when he wants something

 **victor frankenstein:** he wants our sympathy

 **victor frankenstein:** ugh mr stank ur so bad at this smhhh

 **Tony Stank:** :(

 **victor frankenstein:** STOP OMG

 **barnes & noble: **how bad is it

 **victor frankenstein:** ewmrstark.png **  
  
** ** **barnes & noble: ****oh yea stark quit it please **  
**

 **Steve:** Tony, what happened to your face?  
  
 **Tony Stank:** That's rude

 **Honeybear:** No you idiot he means why are you bleeding  
  
 **victor frankenstein:** cause he fell while chasing me 😌

 **victor frankenstein:** like the idiot he is

 **Tony Stank:** I made this groupchat to have a good time and honestly, I'm feeling so attacked right now

 **victor frankenstein:** never ever say that again please

 **Nat:** Yea why DID you make this group chat

 **Tony Stank:** to have a good time

 **Tony Stank:** I already said that Nat try and keep up okay?

 **Nat:** I can break both of you arms right now Anthony

 **Tony Stank:** no you can't You're not even here so Haha

 **Bird v1:** Yea Nat where did you even go

 **Nat:** why you need to know all up in my pussy boii

 **Bird v1:** I

 **victor frankenstein:** oh

 **victor frankenstein:** oh my god  
  
 **victor frankenstein:** i have taught you well Nat good job

 **Nat:** Yea that will probably never happen again okay goodbye

 **Tony Stank:** Nat if you show up on the news saying you got arrested I am not bailing you out of jail

 **Tony Stark:** not again

 **Steve:** Again??

 **Bird v1:** _@Nat_ you get arrested too much

 **Nat:** Hey at least I'm not still technically a fugitive anymore

 **Nat:** _@Bird v1 @Bird v2 @Steve @barnes & noble_

 **Nat:** I'm looking at all of you

 **barnes & noble: **shhhhhh Natalia

 **barnes & noble:** details are not important right now

 **Nat:** mhm.

**Bird v1:**

**Bird v1:** yea okay have fun Nat :)

 **Nat:** yeah, I will thank you :)  
  


**Tony Stank:** I'm still not bailing her out

 **Bird v1:** that's fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> legend has it, to this day still nobody knows where natasha romanoff is


	4. babey spider

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's kinda short soz

**victor frankenstein:** sooo

 **victor frankenstein:** _@Nat_ are u in jail or what

 **Nat:** you really underestimate me Peter

 **Nat:** honestly it's kind of insulting

 **victor frankenstein:** sorry???

 **victor frankenstein:** that doesnt answer my question though

 **Nat:** no, I'm not in jail

 **Nat:** you can calm down now little spider

 **Bird v2:** thats cute

_**Bird v2** re-named **victor frankenstein** to **baby spider**_

**baby spider:** she said LITTLE not BABy

 **baby spider:** i am NOT a baby

 **Nat:** you are babey

 **baby spider:** i

 **baby spider:** im crying thanks nat

 **Nat:** you're welcome

 **baby spider:** wait does this make you my mother spider then

_**baby spider** re-named **Nat** to **mama spider**_

**Bird v2:** thats cute too

 **Bird v2:** spider fam

 **baby spider:** yes 😭

 **Bird v1:** hey guys why is Natasha crying

 **Bird v1:** i'm scared she never cries

 **Bird v1:** oh

 **baby spider:** omg did i hurt her feelings

 **baby spider:** ill change it back

 **mama spider:** NO

 **baby spider:** oh- ok

 **mama spider:** just give me a second

 **baby spider:** are you ok

 **mama spider:** yes thank you i am great

 **baby spider:** if you say so

 **Tony Stank:** did-

 **Tony Stank:** did Natasha Romanoff just steal my kid

 **mama spider:** and what about it

 **baby spider:** yes mr stank i am her baby spider now

 **Tony Stank:** Natasha are you CRYING

 **mama spider:** AND WHAT ABOUT IT

 **Tony Stank:** damn ok Sorry???

 **Tony Stank:** i still refuse to believe this though

 **Tony Stank:** _@baby spider_ Betrayal utter betrayal

 **baby spider:** its not my fault nat is cooler anyway

 **mama spider:** omg

 **Bird v1:** honestly who knew Nat could be so domestic

 **barnes & noble: **NOT ME

 **barnes & noble: **anyway whats going on

 **Bird v2:** I'm pretty sure Nat just unofficially adopted Peter

 **barnes & noble:** oh cute

 **barnes & noble: **wait what

 **barnes & noble:** natalia what

 **mama spider:** you can read just fine cant you james

 **Steve:** What's going on now?

 **Bird v2:** I'm pretty sure Nat just unofficially adopted Peter

 **Steve:** Wait what

 **Steve:** I never took you for the type, Nat

 **mama spider:** never really used to have the option

 **baby spider:** :((

 **barnes & noble: **:((

 **mama spider:** It's okay

 **barnes & noble: **you sure?

 **mama spider:** yes because now I have a baby spider :)

 **baby spider:** :))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not at all what i originally meant to do with this chapter but oh well
> 
> i love the mama/baby spider duo its so cute


	5. civil war: red vs blue (part one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this does not piece in with the other chapters at all but oh well i dont care

**baby spider:** hey guys wouldn't it be super cute and fun if we had another civil war

 **Tony Stank:** NO????

 **barnes & noble: **yes

 **mama spider:** maybe

 **baby spider:** i'm getting mixed results here cmon guys

 **Steve:** Peter, why would you want another 'civil war' between us?

 **baby spider:** im bored

 **Bird v2:** wow

 **Bird v2:** also yes it would be fun as long as i'm on the winning side

 **Bird v1:** yea same

 **barnes & noble: **what would we even civil war about

 **baby spider:** idk something stupid probably

 **baby spider:** like red vs blue or something

 **Tony Stank:** red

 **Steve:** Blue

 **baby spider:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **baby spider:** i pick red

 **Tony Stank:** i knew i could count on you underoos

**baby spider:**

**baby spider:** i pick blue

 **Tony Stank:** PETER

 **baby spider:** UGH FINE

 **mama spider:** i also pick red

 **Tony Stank:** yess

 **barnes & noble: **this is already starting to look like the old teams

 **bird v2:** i pick red

 **bird v2:** not because i like you tony, you actually suck alot, but because redwing is RED

 **Tony Stank:** thats rude but ill take it

 **barnes & noble: **i pick blue obvs

 **barnes & noble: **sorry nat

 **mama spider:** understandable

 **bird v1:** i pick uh

 **bird v1:** blue ig

 **baby spider:** so thats

 **baby spider:** team red: tony, me, nat, sam  
team blue: steve, bucky, clint

 **Tony Stank** : _@Honeybear_ what about u

 **Honeybear:** I am not apart of this

_**Honeybear** left the group chat_

**Tony Stank:** i

 **Tony Stank:** i am crying

 **Tony Stank:** in the club

 **baby spider:** you know sometimes you make me want to jump off the top of stark tower

 **Bird v2:** and you wonder why none of us allow you to stay home alone

 **baby spider:** smh

 **baby spider:** ugh n e ways

 **baby spider:** the teams are uneven so u guys are going down lol xd

**barnes & noble:**

**barnes & noble: **proceeds to add more people to the groupchat

 **baby spider:** omg add shuri she'll totally be on team red cause she loves me

_**barnes & noble **added **Shuri**_

**Shuri:**

**Shuri:** team blue

 **baby spider:** WHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so the group grows further. who shall we add next?


	6. civil war: red vs blue (part two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys i got a [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/luvelless) feel free to demand stuff u kno 😍

**baby spider:** shuri how COULD YOU

 _ **Shuri** changed their name to **shuri, ultimate**_ **_betrayer_ **

****shuri, ultimate** betrayer: **eat my shorts white boy

 **baby spider:** no thanks im vegan

 **barnes & noble: **ew why

 **baby spider:** im JOKING

 **barnes & noble: **GEEZ

 ** **shuri, ultimate betrayer:**** omg moving on

 ** **shuri, ultimate** betrayer: **what is this groupchat

 **baby spider:** civil war

 **baby spider:** omg i just realized i forgot to give this chat a name

 **baby spider:** somebody pls come kill me smhhhhh

 **_baby spider_ ** _changed the chat name to **ice pop vs tin can volume 2**_

 **barnes & noble: **HAH

 **Tony Stank:** thats it peter I'm taking away your lab privileges

 **baby spider:** OMG NO PLEASE

 **baby spider:** oh wait

 **baby spider:** haha jk dont care lol xd pranked ya

 ** **shuri, ultimate** betrayer: **don't worry peter maybe i'll kidnap you and let you use my lab

 **baby spider:** omg stan shuri for clear skin

 **baby spider:** i take back every bad thing i ever said about you

 ** **shuri, ultimate betrayer:**** i said maybe

 ** **shuri, ultimate** betrayer: **and WHAT

 **baby spider:** ill take my chances

 **baby spider:** and NOTHING I SAID NOTHING

 ** **shuri, ultimate** betrayer: **ugh what EVER

 ** **shuri, ultimate betrayer:**** when does the actual war start

 **baby spider:** idk i didnt think that far

 ** **shuri, ultimate betrayer:**** smh

 **mama spider:** I love how these two have just taken over the groupchat

 ** **shuri, ultimate** betrayer: **thanks queen i try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have nothing against vegans,, as long as you don't force your carnivorous pets to be vegan too..-


	7. civil war: red vs blue (part three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this should be the last part of the war 😔 sorry if i dragged it out for too long lmfao

**baby spider:** i've decided we shall war on the front lawn of the tower

 **Bird v1:** ok

 **Bird v2:** how is shuri gonna war then stupid

 ** **shuri, ultimate betrayer:**** you fools

 ** **shuri, ultimate** betrayer: **i have already arrived

 **Tony Stank:** what-

 **Tony Stank:** HOW

 ** **shuri, ultimate** betrayer: **my ways of life are far beyond your understanding mr stark

 **baby spider:** hah

 **baby spider:** alright well of we're all here then

 **baby spider:** red team roll out

 ** **shuri, ultimate betrayer:**** blue team roll out

* * *

**baby spider:** ugh

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** haha

 **Bird v2:** honestly i am not even surprised at this point

 **mama spider:** me either

 **mama spider:** Red team sucks

 **Tony Stank:** yknow what

 **Tony Stank:** its cause we dont have tchalla or rhodey or vision

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** you had me smh

 **Tony Stank:** yea ok well

 **Tony Stank:** we didnt have rhodey or vision so

 **Steve:** We didn't have Scott or Wanda either

 **barnes & noble: **can we add wanda please

 **barnes & noble: **shes so cool she is one of my idols

 **mama spider:** who is your other idol

 **barnes & noble: **myself and beyonce

 **mama spider:** yea Beyonce is a queen

 **barnes & noble: **ikr

 **barnes & noble: **but please can we add her and maybe vision too

 **Captain America:** Does anyone have Scott's number?

 **Bird v2:** uhh,,,

 **Bird v2:** no

 **Bird v1:** no

 **barnes & noble: **no

 **mama spider:** No

 **Tony Stank:** hah No

 **baby spider:** lol no

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** idk who that is so no lmao

 **Steve:** I never saved it either.

 **Steve:** Well, Tony, can you add Vision? If he has a phone? I'll add Wanda

 **Tony Stank:** vision doesnt need a phone he is literally the 'human' embodiment of a phone

_**Tony Stank** added **The** **Vision** to the chat_

**baby spider:** THE vision

 **The Vision:** Hello.

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** omg more grammar *vomits*

 **baby spider:** ew that was so ugly

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** my bad my bad

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** *vomits cutely*

 **baby spider:** yes thank you

_**Tony Stank** added **Wanda M** to the chat_

**barnes & noble: **HELLO QUEEN

 **barnes & noble: **i am your biggest fan

 **Wanda M:** i-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> scott was too buoyant for them ig...
> 
> \---
> 
> FUN FACT i thought i lost like 3 quarters of this chapter and i had literally already forgotten everything that i'd written but nope we good 😌


	8. the name game, judy:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys should i write an infinity war included version of this 💔

**Wanda M:** why are your usernames so boring

 **baby spider:** omg rude

 **baby spider:** look whos talking 'Wanda M'

 **Wanda M:** i

 **Wanda M:** fellow gen z-er how could u

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** omg gen Z gang

 **baby spider:** yesss

 **baby spider:** ok but wanda

 **Wanda M:** what

 **baby spider:** you can only change mr stank's, steve's, and your name ok

 **baby spider:** especially not mine or Nat's i beg of you

 **Wanda M:** sigh fine

_**Wanda M** changed **Tony Stank** 's name to **stinky meany captor**_

_**Wanda M** changed their name to **cutest and hottest woman in the world**_

**cutest and hottest woman in the world:** i'm not changing steve's name he was nice to me

 **Steve:** Thank you Wanda

 **cutest and hottest woman in the world:** yes you are welcome

 **stinky mean captor:** i

 **stinky mean captor:** how dare you???

 **cutest and hottest woman in the world:** i do what i want stank

_**stinky mean captor** changed **cutest and hottest woman in the world** 's name to **unhottest and meanest girl in the world**_

**stinky mean captor:** so do i

_**unhottest and meanest girl in the world** changed their name to **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist**_

**most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** you underestimate me

_**stinky mean captor** kicked **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist** from the chat_

**stinky mean captor:** and you underestimate ME

 **Bird v2:** shes not even here anymore stupid

 **stinky mean captor:** yea yea i KNOW

 **stinky mean captor:** but do i care?

_**stinky mean captor** changed their name to **rich cute hot genius**_

**rich cute hot genius:** no  
**rich cute hot genius:** i don't  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes wanda is gen z what are u gonna do about it


	9. vision gets disowned, finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is a short one because i'm lagging behind on updates,,,, don't blame me blame school 😔

_**The Vision** added **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist** to the groupchat  
 **The Vision** left groupchat_

**rich cute hot genius:** you did this for what

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** "why not"

 **rich cute hot genius:** Why though

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** "why not"

 **baby spider:** aww why did THE vision left :(

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** he said that he did not want to listen, see, or witness tony's antics more then he already has to

 **rich cute hot genius:** wow

 **rich cute hot genius:** how rude,,, i practically created him

 **Bird v1:** see, that would make sense if you actually had

 **baby spider:** lmao burn

 **mama spider:** are you guys legit hiding in Scotland just to get away from Tony

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** yes,,, that is one reason

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** but it is very nice here!! we love it

 **mama spider:** yes that is good

 **mama spider:** i might steal that advice later

 **mama spider:** Tony has just been extra annoying lately,,,

 **rich cute hot genius:** that is so rude

 **Bird v2:** it's true though

 **rich cute hot genius:** ugh whatever

 **rich cute hot genius:** you guys are fake fans anyways

 **rich cute hot genius:** BUT I am officially disowning Vision now

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** he says good riddance

 **rich cute hot genius:** he did not say that

_**most amazing and most beautiful woman to** **ever exist** added **The Vision** to the groupchat_

**The Vision:** Yes, I did.

_**The Vision** left the groupchat_

**rich cute hot genius:** i

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, wanda and vis are in scotland  
> no, they're not gonna get attacked by thanos' squad
> 
> unless yall want them to,,,


	10. nedward & co.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well damn if emojis don't show up for you then the first half of this chapter aint gonna make sense oop 😳
> 
> anyways yea sorry for not updating in like 2 months  
> i have no excuse lmfao
> 
> also excessive swearing uh ya maybe skip this chapter if u dont like that dugftuweihasfwriy

_**baby spider** _ _added **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺** and **mj** to the groupchat_

 **mj:** 'baby spider'

 **baby spider:** fuck

 _**baby spider** _ _changed their nickname to **petter**_

 **mama spider:** sad

 **petter:** NO PLEASE IM SORRY

 **mj:** whomst

 **petter:** joe mama

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** petter❤

 **petter:** shut the fuck up "emily🌸😋❤🌷✨" lookin ass

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** ITS THE BULLYING FOR ME

 **petter:** YOURE ONE TO TALK MAKING FUN OF MY TYPOS HOE

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** LETS GO BITCH

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** mom come pick me up im scared 💔

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** as u should be

 **petter:** SHURI

 **rich cute hot genius:** what is happening here

 **petter:** sup daddio these my bros

 **mj:** no

 **petter:** why not broseph

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** step back i think i'm gonna vomit

 **Steve:** Are you okay?

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** i have never been ok steve

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** hah mood

 **petter:** stop being emo wanda

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** no shut the fuck up petter

 **petter:** LEAVES

 **mj:** petter sounds like a furry name

 **mj:** petter are you a furry

 **petter:** FUCK OFF YOU KNOW NED IS THE FURRY NOT ME

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** EXCUSE ME BITCH

 **petter:** WELL YOU ARE

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** NO IM FUCKING NOT

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** SHUT UP PETTER ILL SMASH YOUR FUCKING LEGO DEATH STAR OVER YOUR HEAD

 **petter:** WHAT THE FUCK

**rich cute not genius** removed **petter** , **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺** , **mj** , **shuri, ultimate betrayer** , and **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist** from the groupchat

]

 **Bird v2:** dude

 **rich cute hot genius:** oh come on someone was gonna do it eventually


	11. the young cool hip people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why did this take almost a month to write im lowkey bouta give up on this shit 😔👊
> 
> also alot of cursing in this one 2 so uh beware ig 😈🔥

_**petter** created a group chat._

**_petter_ ** _added **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺** , **mj** , **shuri, ultimate betrayer** , and **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist** to the group chat._

 **_petter_ ** _named the group chat **THE COOL YOUNG HIP PEOPLE**_

**THE COOL YOUNG HIP PEOPLE**

**shuri, ultimate betrayer:** peter what the fuck

 **petter:** no fucking cursing

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** yea Shuri stop fucking swearing bitch

 _**shuri, ultimate betrayer** _ _has left the groupchat._

 **_petter_ ** _has added **shuri, ultimate betrayer** to the groupchat._

 **petter:** best fran no 😭🙏

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** i

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** hearts been broke so many times

 **petter:** brocken hart💔💔😱

 **mj:** leave immediately

 **petter:** 😔✋ rude much

 **mj:** Good

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** um chile anyways 🙄

 **petter:** n e ways

 **petter:** whos the oldest here so i can make fun of u for being old

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** God why

 **petter:** we're lacking in fossils NED i need to entertain myself somehow 🙄✋

 **mj:** p sure its you actually

 **petter:** wait what

 **petter:** oh

 **petter:** fuck shit goddamnit

 **petter:** oKAY

 **petter** PETER BENJAMIN YOU STUPID LITTLE DUMB TEEN U NEED TO STOP LEAVING UR THICC ASS SCIENCE BOOKS ALL OVER THE FLOOR BEFORE I TRIP AND DIE STUPID IF I DO UR PAYING FOR MY FUNERAL GOD UGH I HATE CHILDREN 🙄✋✋✋

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** i

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** PLS HWGEGHW DIDNT SAM SAY THAT

 **petter:** YES BACK WHEN HE HATED ME

 **petter:** IT WAS THE WORST TIME OF MY FUCKING LIFE HIM AND BARNES WERE SO MEAN TO ME

 **petter:** im crying thinking about it

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** cue peter wiping a way a fake tear cause hes a little shit liar smh

 **petter:** eye-

 **petter:** HEARTS BEEN BROKE SO MANY TIMES III DONT KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE😭🙏

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** wow dead meme much bitchass

 **petter:** ok fuck u then

 **petter:** rude asf and for what ✋

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** why not

 **petter:** why tho 🙄

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** why not

 **mj:** don't.

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** grammar 😱😱😱😭😵😵😷🤧

 **mj:** Shut the fuck up Nedward

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** NOT YOU TOO CRIES

 **petter:** lol roleplay much loser

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** bYE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok anyways


	12. merry chrysler (part1??)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> santa is rich; therefore, santa is tony stark

**THE COOL YOUNG HIP PEOPLE**

**petter:** good morning fuckos

 **petter:** its christmas give me things

 **mj:** no

 **petter:** why not

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** get ur sugar daddy to✋

 **petter:** are you implying that anthony edward stark is my fucking sugar daddy

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** yes

 **petter:** i hope you choke on a christmas cookie right in front of your entire family

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** thx bes fran<33

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** what'd yall get

 **petter:** joe mama-

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** shut the fuck up dont you even dare

 **petter:** smh

 **petter:** shuri whatd u get then since ur so damn curious

 **petter:** bouta start callin u curious george

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** fuck u i aint no monkey

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** but if you must know

 **shuri** **, ultimate betrayer:** one of the things i got WAS a bamboo sword therefore i CAN and WILL whoop your ass the next time you come to wakanda

 **petter:** aww love u 2

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** shrivel up and die

 **petter:** bet

 **mj:** fucks sake

 **mj:** you all wack asf

 **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** thanks i try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a fucking bamboo sword bye why cant i keep my hyperfixation out of this motherfucking fic im gone👩🏼🦯


	13. merry chrysler (p2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this took me a year to update🙈😥
> 
> yes Christmas extends to january haha totally 😃😃

**ice pop vs tin can volume 2**

**_petter_ ** _was added to the groupchat._

_**petter** added **ned** 😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺, **mj** , **shuri, ultimate betrayer** , and **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist** to the groupchat._

**ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺:** petter comin in clutch with the double suction gorilla grip extra drippin cooch-cooch hack 9000

 **petter:** BABAHUS SHUT THE FUCK UP

 **mama spider:** oh lord

 **rich cute hot genius:** WHAt

 **rich cute hot genius:** HOW did you get back in

 **petter:** u forget how smart i am sometimes honestly im really offended

 **rich cute hot genius:** You should be

 **petter:** wow how rude

 **petter:** mom he hurt my feelings😭😭get him

 **mama spider:** ahem

 **rich cute hot genius:** oh god oh fu

 **petter:** anyways chile🥱

 **petter:** did yall get me anything

 **rich cute hot genius:** no

 **rich cute hot genius:** GODDAMNIT NAT STOP C HASING ME AGDGSH

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** i got you Me for christmas

 **petter:** im gay

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** FUCK OFF YOU KNOW THATS NOT WHAT I MEA NT

 **petter:** LMAOSIOAS

 **Steve:** What did you mean Wanda?

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** i mean im sitting on the tower common room floor waiting for someone to come pay attention to me

 **petter:** ill come up if u play worms rumble with me

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** fine

 **petter:** FUCK YEA

 **petter:** ok bye losers u guys are mean so im gonna play worms rumble with wanda now:(((((

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** good get the fuck out of here

 **petter:** UGH

 **petter:** RUDE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have never played worms rumble before it just sounded stupid so i went with it
> 
> welcome to the game hell


	14. twatter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i re-read this and thought i was the funniest mf ever so here's an update to celebrate my sexiness

**icepop vs tin can volume 2**

  
**petter:** what if i make a twitter just to expose your stupid asses

**Bird V2:** Aren't you supposed to be in class

**petter:** uh

**petter:** no

**rich hot cute genius:** Peter

**petter:** ur not my dad my dad is dead fuck u🤚🤚🤚

**mj:** stop flexing your daddy issues

**petter:** BYE😭😭

**most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** yea bye🚪

**ned** 😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺: mj how the hell are you both on your phone and also paying full attention to class

**mj:** talent

**ned** 😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺 **:** YOU DIDNT EVEN LOOK DOWN AT YOUR PHONE TO READ OR TYPE THAT WHATTHEEFCK

**mj:** like I said, talent

**ned** 😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺 **:** more like fucking witchcraft

**mj:** aw thanks

_**petter** changed **ned😔👊🤪😋😳❤👺** 's name to **ned ned and neddie**_

**petter:** sorry ur other name was giving me an aneurysm

**shuri, ultimate betrayer:** how u gonna get an aneurysm when u dont even got a brain to begin with

**petter:** yknow what,,,thats fair

**shuri, ultimate betrayer:** xoxo

**rich cute hot genius:** Okay but seriously??

**rich cute hot genius:** Why are you not at school??

**petter:** me and wanda are out shopping with your credit card

**rich cute hot genius:** WHAT

**most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** school is temporary drip is forever

**petter:** period😌

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why is this book getting so popular i know i'm absolutely hilarious but i didn't think anybody else would agree 🤚🤚


	15. kodak check

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gonna try to stop making these so peter-centric i swear 🙏 hes just so fun to write because i can be as dumbassed as i want since hes a smelly little teen in the 2020s

**ice pop vs tin can volume 2**  
  


**ned ned and neddie:** is this a fucking reference to ed ed and eddie

 **petter:** oh good you are educated

 **petter:** i was worried for a second there

 **ned ned and neddie:** bruh😔

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** what did yall buy

 **petter:** LMFAO we got kicked out of the mall 😳

 **Steve:** Why??

 **petter:** drowning by kodak black was playing and wanda jumped into the big fountain at the front because she wanted to try it out

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** xoxo

 **mj:** drowning is NOT by Kodak Black he is a featured artist

 **petter:** ok daamnn girl😳😳

 **Steve:** Wanda that is not safe

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** yea ik thats the point

 **barnes & noble: **remind me of why I thought you were cool at one point

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** i'm hot and fun to be around

 **barnes & noble: **i'm not going to comment on that because i feel weird agreeing and rude disagreeing

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** its ok i know how sexy i am

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** and my new gucci can vouch for that

 **petter:** shut up we got kicked out before you could run in there

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** do u guys want anything we found a new mall to mess up

 **ned ned and neddie:** what the hell i want gucci

 **petter:** ill get you a chain

 **ned ned and neddie:** extra long👍

 **Bird v1:** You all concern me

 **petter:** good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i know i said i was funny as shit but some of these chapters are hella stupid idk i might rewrite them who knows🤚


	16. swag and meen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my ultimate funny meter was declared braindead because of this chapter

**ice pop vs tin can volume 2**

**petter:** drivers license

 **rich cute hot genius:** What.

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** the day you get your divers license is the day i lock wakanda back up again

 **petter:** xoxo

 **petter:** my divers license

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** shut the hell up

 **petter:** wow rude asf 😔

 **petter:** hey queenie 😳 dont be a meenie 🤪😱🥶💞

 **rich cute hot genius:** MEENIE

 **rich cute hot genius:** I am so fed up with you

 **petter:** happy to provide daddio

 **rich cute hot genius:** I will remove you

 **petter:** i will add myself back

**rich cute hot genius:**

**rich cute hot genius:** damnit

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** did you just try to rhyme queenie with meanie did you seriously just type out meenie

 **petter:** yea cant u read shuri 🙄

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** i am going to fucking beat you up

 **petter:** go h4rd

_**shuri, ultimate betrayer** has left the groupchat_

**petter:** NO SHRUEI

_**petter** added **shuri, ultimate betrayer** to the groupchat_

_**shuri, ultimate betrayer** has left the groupchat_

_**petter** added **shuri, ultimate betrayer** to the groupchat_

_**shuri, ultimate betrayer** has left the groupchat_

_**petter** added **shuri, ultimate betrayer** to the groupchat_

_**shuri, ultimate betrayer** has left the groupchat_

_**{system error; please wait before trying again}** _

**petter:** SHRURIR😭😭🥺🥺🥺😭😢😢

 **petter:** hey _@rich cute hot genius_

 **petter:** MAKE A BETTER SYSTEM CHALLENGE 😡😡😡😭

 **rich cute hot genius:** Go to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey👋panini🌭dont❌you👉be🐛a1️⃣meanie👻ay🤪
> 
> this was supposed to be inspired by a meme about drivers license  
> what happened


	17. shit? gone. sleep? gone. hotel? trivago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6969 reads i am in fucking tears thank you and have a good night

**THE COOL YOUNG HIP PEOPLE**

**petter:** guys im losing my shit

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** why

 **mj:** What did you do this time

 **petter:** ok first of all rude of you to assume it was my fault

 **petter:** second of all wanda ur name is going to make me scream

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** what why

 **petter:** This sentence is grammatically correct 👍 but it's wordy 😩 and hard to read 😞😔

 **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist:** i am going to fucking beat you up

 **petter:** sorry my mom said no :(

_**petter** changed **most amazing and most beautiful woman to ever exist** 's nickname to **wanda from the ultra seggsy musical group cosmo and wanda**_

**wanda from the ultra seggsy musical group cosmo and wanda:** FUCK OFF

 **petter:** love u too bestie

 **ned ned and neddie:** wow fake friend check

**petter: 😋😋**

**shuri, ultimate betrayer:** are you gonna tell us why ur texting at assfuck in the morning

 **petter:** uhhhh

 **petter:** i forgot lol

 **mj:** you're a dead man peter parker

 **petter:** no thats next movie

 **ned ned and neddie:** what

 **mj:** what

 **shuri, ultimate betrayer:** what

 **wanda from the ultra seggsy musical group cosmo and wanda:** what

 **petter:**...what

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in every groupchat fic there is always at least one moment of fourth wall breakage did you really expect anything better from me


End file.
